I dare to dream

Perhaps, the world is coming to an end. All these horrific natural disasters, and it seems like God is summoning his angels.

...my beautiful Sarah.
I cried hysterically when I saw her on Thursday. To see her there, she seemed as if she were sleeping, yet people were telling me "she's gone." I felt the whole world crumble. My whole body trembeled. I can't believe it....

At times like this I hate having the kind of memory I have. I remember TONS of stuff.
She was the FIRST person to talk to me in jr. high! =( I remember that like it was yesterday. Our laughing! Our shitty guy drama! omg...The Original G is gone! my beloved friend is gone.

I cry. Everytime I think about her, I cry. I can't hold back the tears. Sarah doesnt deserve this. GOD WHY!!!???

If I am so full of heartwrecking emotion right now, I can't fathom the emotional chaos that will come with the rosary and funeral service. I hope i can make it to them, I have to, even if it means dropping out of some classes. I could care less at this moment in time, fuck my GPA, fuck Paris, fuck EVERYTHING! It is worthless at this point, ....my sarah is gone.....

I have to say that I thank James for having been there, I would've fallen apart had he not. I dont think I can express how much I appreciated his presence.

*sigh* My sarah....my sister

I wish ....I'd gladly take her place. Even if it meant I'd be casted into the depths of hell, I would gladly spend an eternity in hell if it meant she'd get to successfully finish her life. Cause she deserves it, cause she is the MOST beautiful person I've ever met in my entire life.

...and I laugh. Cause i can seriously start to believe that this is just a huge prank! ...like the one eddie pulled. Its as if i'm waiting to hear her say "ha, you thought!" lol....

I think I'm going crazy! This is it. ...I think i flew over the cuckoos nest! I'm sooo insane! LMAO!

hahahaha. I laugh.
And I cry.
I laugh
I cry
i laugh
i smile
i cry
i cry some more
and some more
and then I sing
"all the things she said!..."
and I cry,
And laugh.
Yes, call me insane!

I much rather be insane than have to deal with the pain this causes...........
its like lmao....
i think about it, and a knot forms in my throat till it hurts. Then I cry trying to find relief, but it only seems to make my chest hurt. Like somebody's grabbing my lungs and pinching in the middle. ...that doesnt make sense! All i know is that it hurts. my head hurts, my eyes hurt from crying, my chest hurts....

i wake up thinking it'll be a nightmare, but it's not.

SARAH! I LOVE YOU!!!! I LOVE YOU!!!!!!! SAAAAAAAAAARAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!

I...gotta .........